YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER

I imagine one must feel self-hatred and self-loathing to know that something is wrong in their body and not immediately take action, be it seeing a professional, doing personal research, or changing habits, such as diet, that may be causing it.

There must be a paralyzing level of helplessness when one does not know what to do or how to do it, especially if there is a financial barrier involved. That is the pain that many people are in.

Normalizing pain. Normalizing pain, because when will I have time to get it checked out? Work and paying bills are such a priority that planning a doctor’s appointment or rest day does not even come to mind as a priority, talk less of a necessity. An actual necessity is being pushed to the back burner for more opportunities to please people and ignore myself. 

That kind of mental roadblock. Most have turned complete cynics because nothing ever works. But how can it? Everything is out of order. When a soda machine is out of order, does it keep dishing out sodas? No. When a bathroom is out of order, it means do not come inside. A boundary exists to let people know this thing is not in service, out of operation, walk away. Treat yourself like that when your life is out of order. Let go of people-pleasing and trying to convince everyone you’re good in a certain area.

Disappear if you need to and fix it. Get the rest. Fix the finances. Change your career. Get clear on the future. Execute what you know you can do. You just didn’t have the support yet, or maybe you weren’t strong enough yet.

But you can be. You can be ready for who you already are. Because you’re already them. Your thoughts just need to catch up to it.

Yes, they see it, but they have their stuff in front of them. Climb. And get to a place where people in your reality are not struggling with the same things you have and you’ll realize things can be different. And you’ll do what it takes. But your environment is key. Yes, you’re the rose that grew from concrete. But what if you planted that rose in good soil?

Your heart would probably be more at ease with a decreased risk of heart disease. You’d probably be less dependent on substances to cope with the anxiety of being in a partially triggering environment. What if you were in an environment that didn’t trigger you? And you got to grow. And heal. Who would you be?

Dream of him or her. Then gently begin to retreat from your current environment into a safer one be it physically, emotionally, or mentally. Don’t try to fix another thing without changing your environment. Things won’t be so “broken” where you’re going. And your brain will get to rest from all the constant triggering. And it will finally get to heal. Because God gave us Magnificent bodies that heal when we are still.

And as your brain heals it will finally be able to rewire you into a new reality.  And that’s where you’ll start to see things lining up with the vision you always see but feel is far-fetched or like it requires too much effort. The effort is getting out of the wrong environment(s). It can feel like you’re trapped. But if you accept defeat, you lose. It’s a war getting out of the trap that generational and lived trauma has put us in. Always on guard and distant from God, trying to save ourselves.

But if we find a place to relax and heal we realize God is still there, never left, and is trying to guide us to safety too.

That self-hatred that builds from helplessness turned to resentment and fear that you’ll never break the cycle, it can be cured. You just need to find a better order for your life. And you can reparent yourself back into order even if you were never taught the proper order of things. If you didn’t learn it growing up and you didn’t read it in books, here’s what you need to know.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs tells us this is the order of things.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs suggests that individuals must fulfill basic needs like food and shelter before progressing to higher-level needs like self-esteem and self-actualization.

When you’re trying to self-actualize into your fullest purpose, but your basic needs aren’t met, that foundation is going to be rocky and you’ll be unmotivated to do what it takes to achieve them.

Apply more effort to the area at the base that is at a deficit to have the motivation to build your fulfilling life on a better foundation. This doesn’t mean you neglect the other areas and you don’t pursue your passions. You just don’t pursue them as aggressively, without first putting your life back in order. Chances are if you do self-actualize on a rocky foundation, it will all come crumbling in a short time. Because you probably weren’t rested or you owed more people than you had supporters and it all just couldn’t stand. Or maybe you get there and your bills are paid but you don’t feel any joy or fulfillment.

And chances are if you are dealing with low self-esteem, the first thing to go to isn’t your affirmations of your basic needs like clothing, shelter, and food aren’t met.

How I’ve found the balance in this area is focusing on the level that needs attention more than I do the others and being open to the grace carrying me there faster than I’d done it all on my own. When determining the effort I give, I will usually give 20% of my energy to the thing that is not the priority. And 80% of it will go to establishing the area I need to be settled first.

We often approach this out of order by pursuing a business idea without any funding, savings, or an emergency fund. Those with that kind of foundation can achieve way more faster because they have the needs at the bottom of the pyramid met. What’s your next focus on your hierarchy of needs?

We’re all at different stages for this. Some are in unstable living arrangements and need to prioritize a peaceful shift to a vibrant space. Others are in pursuit of intimacy but don’t know where their next meal will come from or if they will be alive next month.

Your nervous system being on high alert from the unmet needs at the bottom, will have you in a constant state of anxiety trying to attend to or entertain anything else.

So rest. And focus on one thing at a time. The thing that matters. Don’t prolong your journey staying out of order and never being able to deliver fully. Deliver at a high level by getting your priorities handled and stepping in with your full chest.

Chances are, when all of the needs at the bottom have been addressed, you’ll be more motivated to go full throttle.

Turn this into a routine self-assessment by:

1. Coming into the present with deep breaths

2. Then ask yourself:

* Am I feeling unmotivated right now?

* What needs aren’t being met?

* What one tiny thing can I do to meet this need today?

* What need do I have the motivation to focus on right now?

* What else does God want me to know about meeting this need? Be still and let Him answer.

Do this whenever you’re feeling unmotivated or out of order.

And if you’re someone who’s been putting off an ailment. Prioritize that first so you’re back in order and able to have motivation and energy for everything else.

Your future generations depend on it.

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Xo,

Bex